Change Happens< ?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
by Desley Sant Parker on Thursday, September 9, 2010 at 5:25pm
Change Happens“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” JF Kennedy. Each one of us has to face change, sometimes on a daily basis. Relationships, that we thought were once perfect, can deteriorate. Beautiful children grow into willful teenagers. We walk into work one day, and that job we always loved, is no longer there. Change is inevitable. We can fight the change or we can embrace the change. I challenge each of you to examine your life, note the changes, cooperate with them and learn.Jack Canfield in his book “The Success Principles” provides us a formula for approaching change:E + R=O E, is the inevitable change that is going to happen (Children are going to grow up and leave home. They have been such a focal point in my life. ) R represents the response that we have to the change, (“I have provided my children with the tools they need to be successful. I will celebrate their successes. I will relish the extra time I have in my day by doing something special for myself…new hobby, exercising, etc. Think I’ll go to the gym today!”) How I choose to respond to the inevitable situation determines the O or the Outcome. The O or Outcome is totally dependent upon my response. I can accept the fact that they are going to grow up and I can relish in the newfound time and freedom or I can focus on missing them. One will uplift me; the other de-energizes me and brings me down. I can control how I choose to face this fact of life. My challenge to you is to reflect on the various changes you have already transitioned. What was the result when you resisted the change? What was the result when you surrendered to the change? Did your life actually get easier…did you have more energy?To help embrace change, ask yourself the following questions: (There are more in Canfield’s book, “The Success Principles.” What’s changing in my life that I am resisting? Why am I resisting that change? Why am I afraid of with respect to that change?What benefits might there be in this change? What would I have to do to cooperate with this change? What’s the next step I could take to cooperate with this change? When will I take it?
Change will happen. How will you respond?
It has been a while since I last wrote, but much has been going on. My web site was undergoing a major revision which was handled by my superb web master, Lisa Holmes, of Creative Web Solutions. She has the patience of Job and I am so pleased that she is willing to do what it takes to keep my site up to date and functioning the way I need it.
Well, tomorrow is the day I take off with my husband and sons to Vancouver, British Colombia for my first fly fishing trip. As you may remember, I started this venture by hiring a personal trainer to get me in shape for the trip. (I always thought fishing was sitting on the shore of a stream and waiting for the fish to take the bait. My son, Joshua has since educated me. I will be left in the middle of a stream..up to waist deep, in waders to wade up stream for 2.5 miles, trying to catch fish!) I am happy to announce that I am in much better shape than I was before embarking on this adventure. When first tested, my flexibility was worse than bad…I am now at “optimal flexibility”, my resting heart beat went from 80bpm to 70bpm, and that is supposed to be really good! My strength and stamina has really improved. Leslie really does push me to my limit. The only real disappointment isthat the scale has only gone down 2 pounds! Everyone keeps reminding me that “muscle weighs more than fat” and I should just stick with it! So I will!
Bags are packed, cameras are loaded. The pet sitter has been hired and we are all ready to go! I am looking forward to exploring new areas, learning new skills, laughing and loving all the new adventures. I intend to take lots of pictures and keep a daily diary. I intend to remain flexible and open to new experiences and ideas. I am looking forward to allowing my son to teach me something he so throughly enjoys. I intend to focus on creating wonderful family memories that will last long after the trip.
Talk to you all when I return.
About a month has gone by and we have completed the research stage of our trip to British Colombia this summer. Reservations have been booked, airline tickets purchased, personal trainer hired….we are moving forward. As for me, I have been steadily progressing in my fitness pursuit. While I have yet to loose weight, I am losing inches, my stamina is better and I am feeling stronger. I have moved from doing 8 pushups to 30! The sessions are not quite as painful as they were when we started.
If you are in the Fort Walton beach area, I highly recommend my trainer…she is Leslie Robinson and can be reached at 850-797-1038. (Printed with her permission.) She is really great…has little respect for age, however. She will push you to the next level and you will experience results!
I keep in mind why I am putting myself through this regime…I am going to be as strong as possible for this outdoorsey guy trip because I truly value doing things with my husband and children. The side effects are also pretty good. As I get stronger and clothes fit better, I feel much better…I do my job with more energy and that is good.
Now to set my intention for the next month: I am going to loose and additional 4 inches. I am going to loose 5 pounds. I am going to increase my walking to 6 days per week. I will be in my Navy uniform for the Patriotic service at church. For those who do not know, I have been retired for14 years!
I invite you to set your intentions for the next month…share them if you like, it helps to keep you on track!
Looking forward to hearing from you. Any suggestions you have for the blog are most welcome
Book Review: The 4-Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferris
This book provides a refreshing new look at pursuing your passion while living your ideal life.
Ferris provides a multitude of information on how to take total control of our life….and loving it. I highly recommend this book to entrepreneurs….it will give you lots of information on how to work smarter not harder. I recommend it to the Baby Boom Generation, it will tease you into trying new ideas concerning living your “retirement” while being able to afford it! I recommend it to Generation Xers…..you can learn how to live your passions while earning the monies to afford it and not waiting until you are retired to do so. Ferris, does not only talk about how you can outsource your life, he gives you the tools to do so. There are a multitude of websites and books to go far deeper into this subject matter.
One of my favorite passages is entitled: “The timing is never right.” In reads in part, “For all of the most important things, the timing always sucks. Waiting for a good time to quit your job? The stars will never align and the traffic lights of life will never all be green at the same time. The universe doesn’t conspire against you, but it doesn’t go out of its way to line up all the pins either. Conditions are never perfect. “Someday” is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you…..” Ferris does not play the blame game…but gives the reader numerous strategies to employ, wether you are a entrepreneur or employee.
If you a vagabond of any age or wish to become a vagabond, you must read this book!
Beware however, if you are someone who is not ready to take total control of your life…do not read this book!
This book has something for everyone. Take what you like and leave the rest!
Mention this blog and get a month’s free coaching (2 hours)! 850 651-8197.
What’s going on with you and your business?
Take this quiz to find out.
Instructions: Check if the statement is true. If more than 5 statements are true, then working with a coach specializing in entrepreneurs may be the perfect solution.
1. I am uncertain about the sustainability of my revenue streams.
2. I have business debt that is more than 20% of my annual revenues.
3. Given the effort I’m putting in, my net income is nowhere near high enough.
4. If I wasn’t here, the place would fall apart within one month.
5. I can’t seem to attract - or keep - the right staff.
6. I’m doing tasks that I do not like or am not very good at.
7. I am working more than 10 hours a day.
8. I am working far too much in my business instead of on my business.
9. Sometimes I wonder if I’m both the arsonist and the fireman.
10. We’re not as focused on our customers as we need to be.
11. There’s more chaos in this company than the employees prefer.
12. I want to spend more time with my family or in other interests.
13. I don’t feel free and that’s where I want to be.
14. I want to improve the focus and direction of where the business is heading.
15. I have ideas for significant revenue streams that I just can’t seem to
make time for.
16. Profitability isn’t where it could be.
17. I want to delegate more so I can have the time to discover new opportunities.
18. The joy of owning a business is being replaced by the stress of running
a business.
19. It would be valuable to develop a 12 to 18-month growth plan.
20. We need to find a way to better motivate the staff.
2002 by the Graduate School of Corporate Coaching. Reproduction permitted with full attribution.
Call for a complimentary Coaching Session with Success With Desley, 850 651-8197
Head Start Program
May 15, 2008
1. Introduction:
2 Request Input from group
3 Major concepts for this evening
A.) Begin with the end in mind
B.) Give up perfection
C.) Take care of yourself
Begin with the end in mind;What kind of adult would you like your child to be when he or she grows up? What values do you want yhour child to have? Parents are the first and most influential teachers a child will ever have. As parents we need to set the example for our children. For the most part, our children will follow in our footsteps. That is not to say they will become our clones, but they will fall back on the enprinting that we supply in early childhood, unless we make a concerted effort to not do so. How many times have you heard your mother’s voice coming from your mouth?
If you want your child to value your spiritual foundation, your child needs to be exposed to it very early on through adolescents. As a young adult they may choose to take another path, but your job is to ensure they know your tradidtion and faith. If you want your child to value reading and education, you have to value reading and education. Read to your child, have books around. Read and study yourself. If you want your child to be generous, be generous and expose your child to your generosity. List your top values, challenge yourself…are you living your life to those values? If you are living your values and priorities your children will see them and will learn them. Then they will become teenagers….you will become stupid….everything you do will be challenged and then….they grow up. Once again you will become the font of wisdom and they will start to return to all of the things you exposed them to when they were young children. Even if they do not choose to follow your example, your job is to provide it.
Give up perfectionism; Perfection is highly over rated and because it is perfect, it can rarely be achieved and often the cost is way too much! Give it up for yourself and for your children. This does not mean to not have high standards…it merely means that sometimes good enough is good enough. (Bathroom story) Demanding perfection in ourselves or in our children results in a level of stress that in paralyzing. I often hear people say that when everything is just right, I will go back to school…..Iwill start to save money….Life is never perfect. Also make a value judgement. There are things worth “going to the mat for” and there are others where droppong it is the best answer. Learn to choose your battles early….that will serve you well in the teen years.
Take Care of yourself; Only if you take care of yourself, will you have the energy to take care of your children.. Build aliances with other parents. Look to your church for support and spiritual guidance as a parent. We are not meant to do everything ourselves. Take advantage of the resources that are available to you. You must take care of your healthin order to take care of your children. Raising healthy, confident, children who grow into balanced contributing adults takes love, energy, and stamina. It is a 24/7 job that can and will be the most frustrating jobat some times but will also be one of the most rewarding jobs you will ever do! Your gifts and delights will be proportional to time, and energy you give your most valuable asset….your children!
Conclusion: Remember: 1) Begin with the end in mind. 2) Give up perfection and 3) Take care of your self.
As you may have read in my last entry, my family and I are in the midst of planning our trip fly fishing in British Colombia this summer. It has been an exciting time as we go over tour books and brochures and try to balance the vacations along with the various family interests and expectations. Dad and Josh are the fisherman. Give them a stream, one good meal a day and minimal lodging, and they are content. They can spend hours casting for fish they intend to throw back if caught!
Steve is 17 and not a fisherman….will spend some time casting, but can live without it. The reality is that he would just as soon stay home and forget the whole family vacation thing! Steve is however a learner. He likes to learn about new things so visiting museums and historical sites. He is willing to try new foods and be challenged. A couple of years ago we spent time opal mining and panning for gold in Montana.
So what are some survival tips for that family vacation:
First, forget perfection! It will not happen! No matter how much planning is done, there will always be glitches. Be prepared for those moments, and take a moment to acknowledge the oops of life and move on. Also get everyone as involved in the planning as possible so that everyone’s interest is addressed. Remember to build in “white space” into your planning. It gives you the ablility to be flexible or to just take a nap!
Second, focus on the positive. At the end of each day, recap all that went well. Good weather, being together, enjoying nature. New food, new friends etc.
Third, remember to take care of your selves. Keep well hydrated, rested, fed. So often when we change our daily routines, we forget to remember the basics. It is more important than ever especially if we are away from homebase, where we are not as familiar with our surroundings or knowledgeable about healtcare facilities. Also, by taking care of ourselves, we can fend off the inevitable short fuze that will inevitably visit during any vacation.
Perhaps the most important tip…primarily aimed at parents, Stay in the moment! There is no need to worry about work….can’t do anything about it anyway!
As I write these blogs, I am getting more and more excited about the trip. I have started my walking regime and diet to get in shape for the trip. I have hired my personal trainer and she is focusing on building my upper body strength!
Share your family vacation tips and win a complimentary coaching session!
As a coach I know that when someone sets out a well defined intention and then couples it with a step by step action plan, success is very likely!
I have a new opportunity to thoroughly test this premise! My men folk, two sons and their dad, are taking me on a 10 day fly fishing trip to British Colombia this summer! To some of you that might sound like a great trip, to me, the person who feels that a body of water is there to sun by, I am not so thrilled. Not to say that I am a girlie girl, but Howard Johnson’s is camping out for me. My idea of fishing is sitting on the bank of the river or lake with a fishing pole in one hand and a book or glass of wine in the other! The thought of being dropped off at a spot on the river and then being picked up six or more hours later, two miles upstream. The vision of trudging upstream in water up to my waist in waders, does not thrill!
O.k., you are probably wondering why I am willing to do this. The answer is really quite simple…my 14 yeaqr old son asked me to. For those of you that know me, you know that I have several vision statements that I use as guidelines for my actions and decisions. I review my visions and determine if this is worth doing and I can wholeheartedly say that it is! The first vision it supports is that of Family: this is an opportunity for me to help make a family memory. While I am sure the stories will change over the years, there will be lots of great story/memory making incidents! Another vision involves being my husbands’s best friend. Fly fishing has become a newly found/ old passion. Whenever I can share a passion with my husband, life is good. It may not be “my cup of tea”, but I will be spending time with him and that is great! Another vision I have is to keep myself in shape. I have done some backsliding in this life area, so this trip is an excellent excuse to hire a personal trainer and to refocus on fitness. I am always growing my business and a trip to Vancouver will give me the opportunity to possibly open a new market for my services (would be wonderful to be able to write off a portion of the trip!) So, as you can see there are many positive reasons for me to pursue this venture. The pay off is going to be wonderful..time in nature with my guys, the opportunity to learn new skills, meet new people and see a new place. In preparation for the trip, I will be getting in great shape and that is always good! Next action step: Hire a trainer!
As I continue on my journey, towards this journey, I will keep you informed.
Please feel free to share your intentions and comment on mine!
This morning I had the opportunity to start my new coaching year doing one of the things I enjoy most. My coaching program is built upon the premise of knowing and living your life on purpose. Obviously the the first step in that process is discovering that purpose. In the process, my clients discover their true priorities.
A new client invited me along on that journey. Through sharing his purpose stories with me, he was able to discern that all of life’s experiences, good and no so good, were gifted to him for a purpose: To help him on his journey…to be his training aids, if you will.
I love the process that allows my clients to look closely at their natural ways of being. Once they can identify and articulate them, they possess a phenomenal decision making tool which when employed leads to success by their definition.
I would like to offer you the opportunity to discover this wonderful program with you, combined with a session to set your goals for 2008. Give me a call at 850 651-8197 adn schedule your session today.
“Even if you are on
the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” ; Will Rogers
Develop Your Expertise
In
today’s competitive career market it is essential for each of us to develop an
expertise, and to share that expertise with others. The more knowledgeable you are in your chosen
niche, the more value you bring to the table.
People want to associate and do business with “experts.” Does that mean you must know everything about
your field –NO- but it does mean that you are open to learning, daily.
Become aware of when and where you can demonstrate your
expertise My favorite ways of sharing
and developing my expertise is to give a speech or seminar or write an
article.In order to do them
effectively, I have to go into the learning mode each time. Giving seminars and workshops will quickly
establish you as an expert.They will
help you hone your skills as well as provide a service to your potential
clientele.
Many employers today
are hiring independent contractors to do things such as book keeping and
accounting, training in the areas of human resources, customer service
etc. The contractors are hired for their
specific expertise to work on specific projects or to fill narrowly defined
roles, normally at a significantly higher rate than if they were salaried
employees.
Develop your expertise from the inside out. Call for your complimentary coaching session
with Desley Parker, PCC; 651-8197.
The best place to succeed is where you are. with, what you are.” Charles Schwab
Develop Your Passion; Delegate Your “Shoulds”
As you consider either entering or transitioning into the work force I challenge you to identify your talents, gifts and passions and to then honor all of them in your job considerations.
I once read a story about a rabbit and a fish. The rabbit was the best hopper in the forest; won every race. His all-knowing, sponsor insisted that the rabbit learn to swim—to become the best swimmer in the land. As he was struggling, on the verge of drowning he pleaded: “Why must I learn to swim…I am the best hopper in the land? That is my talent: that is my passion.” The all-knowing, sponsor simply stated, “Well you already know how to hop, you should learn to swim.” Frustration and exhaustion overtook the rabbit. He learned to swim in order to survive, but he lost his joy and could barely remember how to hop. The fish, the fastest in the stream, was told by his all-knowing; sponsor that he should learn to hop. I think you can figure out what happened to the fish! Examine your talents, gifts and passions. Develop them with abandon. Recognize the “shoulds” in your life and whenever possible delegate them to those who possess those talents and gifts. This concept is as appropriate in your career as it is in your personal life.
My passion is coaching others, helping them develop their passions and lives; but I am a really lousy book keeper. I coach (my passion) and I delegate my bookkeeping (my should/must).
My challenge to you is to examine your life, both personally and professionally. Where do your passions lie? What brings you joy? Those are your strengths—develop them with abandon; delegate or dump your “shoulds” whenever possible. We are all given unique talents, and strengths. Within those strengths and talents lies your unique contribution to the whole.
Become the master of your fate—if you’re a rabbit: hop. If you’re a fish: swim!
Call for your complimentary coaching session, live your Passion!
Desley Parker
Professional Certified Coach
It is that time of year again. Time to think about the Christmas letter. This is a time to reflect on all of the happenings of the year, both happy and sometimes sad. 2007 was a wonderful year in many ways but it was also somewhat sad. The sadness provided lots of growth opportunity.
The sadness centered around the passing of my brother Thomas, Tommy. Tommy and I were incredibly close as children. Yet, as we entered adulthood we grew apart, to the point of being estranged. I cannot remember an incident or a reason for our drift apart, but it happened. When Tommy was diagnosed with cancer, he reached out to bridge the divide we were experiencing. During his remaining months we communicated on a regular basis. Tommy gave me one of the most beautiful gifts in the world. While I am a person of faith and believe in the spirit of forgiveness, I do not think I really understood the power of giving and receiving forgiveness. I was able to be with him during his last days and I can say that those 16 years that passed since we had last truly communicated were erased in an instant. The love that we shared as children was multiplied. Tommy forgave me for my stubbornness and I forgave Tommy for what ever he felt he did that offended me. (There was no reason to forgive him, but I gave it willingly.) My only regret is that it took a major illness to make us realize that we were very important to each other and that our love can and should supersede our false pride.
Do you have anyone you would like to renew that love or friendship with? If so do it now, not at the deathbed. Rejoice in the feelings of freedom and gratitude that forgiveness can bring you. Thank you Tommy, for your special gift and all the gifts of love and friendship you gave me through the years.
Just returned from a lovely week in the north Georgia mountains.� Lovely for me, boring for my sons aged 13 and 16. While there I took lots of long walks and had the opportunity to listen to to audio version of “Eat, Pay, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert.� Eleven discs long, it is a great vacation audio! Her reading of her best selling memoir is absolutely spell binding. Traveling with her on her very personal , healing journey is a treat to be savored. Having recently visited Italy, one of her journey stops, I was able to visualize Rome, Venice and Naples and have the feeling of being there again. I highly recommend treating yourself to this wonderful gift.
O K. I have done it…entered into the blogging world. I look forward to exploring ideas with friends, clients and potential clients. I intend to post small informative articles with the intent of sparking conversation and interest.
I invite you to participate and have fun with me.
Desley
Welcome to your new blog! This is the first post. Edit
or
delete it, then start blogging!